Stormers an embarrasment

I can't believe I got up to watch that rubbish.

Kobus van der Merwe might just (hopefully) be the first coach to be fired on tour.

Frankly, the Stormers could not have contrived to play more poorly if they tried. It is so difficult to believe their ineptness in every facet of play, lack of intensity and general disinterest that if it were cricket, there would be a match fixing investigation.

It's not even worth doing an analysis. You could cut and paste most of last week's review into this week's. Except everything was even worse. But some of my miserable memories include Brent Russell being the only man to attempt to clear the ruck after six phases of attack on the 30 minute mark. Just before half time, Tiaan Liebenberg stood in the scrumhalf position throwing his hands in the air at frustration at the slow ball. Uh, duh? Maybe you should have been cleaning you fat oaf.

I'll just direct you to last week's criticism of JP Joubert's step-before-pass deficiency. Because this week, let's add him taking the blind with Andries Bekker outside him, marked by a wing in about a 5m corridor. Great option. Or taking an up and under under pressure from the chase with feet flat on the ground.

But I didn't think much of JP Joubert anyway. It was more distressing to see players that we marveled over last season doing their best to impersonate schoolboy 5th team. Last year I heard Jannie Engelbrecht describe Gio Aplon as one of the finest talents he had ever seen. He was woeful today. He dropped passes, was nowhere in positional play and looked disinterested on attack.

We raved about Robbie Diack last year. His workrate was pathetic today.

Luke Watson played well enough last season to create a national outcry over his Springbok omission. He is anonymous this season. The left-right experiment with Schalk Burger is proving a dismal failure with Burger looking frustrated. At least Burger looks like he's trying though.

Brent Russell looks like a one-trick-pony since moving south. He jinks every time he takes a pass at flyhalf. In fact he seems so intent at drawing the extra man that he forgets to get the ball out efficiently. His shocker pass that resulted in an intercept try for the Highlanders was a result of not even glancing at the man on his outside.

I'm a bit worried about Bekker's performance on the wing (!). He scored a fantastic try, and out-chased backs for a grubber put through by Burger - but if he'd played things tighter and did his first job of cleaning in the loose, would there not have been more opportunities.

Maybe Bekker was playing a left-right split field combination. It can be the only explanation for the number of forwards standing out wide.

Talking of patterns, I'm not sure the mix-and-match approach of bringing Russell in at flyhalf on second phase ball is working. It seems to leave Grant out of play and the Stormers with no attacking pattern.

I'm not going to say anything about Jean de Villiers except to say that I motivated for him to be dropped two weeks ago. He should have been.

Make no mistake - this was the weakest Highlanders team we'll see for many years. This after the same could have been said of last week's Chiefs.

The fact is that the same can be said of the current Stormers team. And they're not even in the same league as their competitors (Chiefs win notwithstanding).

I'm conscious being incredibly negative. Well, kudos to the groundsman at Carisbrook. That was the best looking rugby pitch ever. It puts Newlands cricket ground to shame. And it was the best New Zealand weather I've ever seen.